


Not Thinking Straight

by carpfish



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Boys Being Idiots, Internalized Homophobia, Introspection, M/M, No Spoilers, Set in part 2, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-10 14:18:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19907098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpfish/pseuds/carpfish
Summary: "Nanao Taichi is confident in his sexuality, because girls like men who are confident in their sexuality. Sumeragi Tenma is confident in everything but his sexuality, and that’s that entire problem. And Hyodo Juza is not confident in his sexuality, because he is rarely confident about anything at all."A question from Taichi sparks a crisis between Tenma and Juza, who realize that their feelings about themselves and each other might be a lot less STRAIGHTforward than previously thought. (A.K.A. Tenma and Juza finally kiss, with a generous dose of Taichi, Banri, and Yuki helping out along the way.)





	Not Thinking Straight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cynosure_coffee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynosure_coffee/gifts).



> A month and at least three structural revisions later, here is my super super SUPER late submission to the A3 Rarepair exchange for Dita!! I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I HOPE IT FULFILLS EXPECTATIONS I'M SO SORRY
> 
> Brief references to Bantsum, Taiyuki, Izusakyo, and Taichi's puppy crushes on basically all of Mankai.

Nanao Taichi is confident in his sexuality, because girls like men who are confident in their sexuality. He’s read this in three separate teen culture magazines, so it has to be the truth. It’s encouraging, because Taichi isn’t the most confident about most things, but this much he can do. He can’t face his fears with Tenma’s brash tenacity, flaunt public opinion with Yuki’s self-assured boldness, or carry on despite the odds with Sakuya’s bright resolve. But during his time at Mankai, Taichi has learned to cook, sew, and handwash laundry. He has donned a dress and wig as Zero countless times on stage, and he even keeps up with sheet masks and skincare without Aa-chan’s reminders most of the time. Taichi may not be confident in all he does, but he’s fairly confident in his sexuality, at least. And that sexuality… Is heterosexual. 

Nanao Taichi is so secure in his heterosexuality that he’s more than happy to talk about liking other men. Mankai Company is full of admirable, extraordinary men (not to mention one very talented director) and Taichi sees no reason to hide his great affection towards these people that he now considers part of his own family. And if that includes appreciation for his troupe mates’ finer physical features, well… good looks are part of an actor’s bread and butter after all, right?

“Juza-san, is it just me or have you gotten cooler since going to uni? You were always in my Top Ten Most Handsome Men in Mankai, but I think you might be entering the Top Five at this rate.” 

Juza has always been on the stoic side, but after spending so much time with him at school, dorms, and the theater, Taichi is more than accustomed to picking out the unexpected emotion in Juza’s subtle expressions. Right now, there is absolutely nothing subtle about the way Juza’s eyes bulge and he chokes on cake in response to Taichi’s comment. Juza-san is so shy when it comes to compliments, Taichi thinks. It’s a bit of a pity, because he looks even _more_ handsome in those rare moments where all his self-consciousness and learned pessimism melt away to leave a true man among men. In the two years that Taichi has lived with Juza, those moments have become more and more common, whether when blocking out scenes in the rehearsal room, annihilating Omi’s home-made desserts, or even when hanging out as friends. As much as Taichi misses Juza’s company during their after school walks home, he’s not blind to the sudden spike in Juza’s self-confidence ever since entering university. It means that Juza must really be enjoying his acting program. If he keeps it up, he could easily make it into Top Three of Taichi’s list. If only Taichi could emulate that manliness. 

What’s strange though, is that _Ten-chan_ seems just as affected by the statement as Juza. Sumeragi Tenma, genius child actor, born to live under the gleam of the spotlight or die trying, is _not_ shy about receiving praise. Except when he is, but Tenma’s default coping mechanism is to brush it off and pretend that he’s not embarrassed at all, which usually backfires. At the moment, that is very much not the case. Even though the praise in question wasn't even directed at him at all.

“Top Ten Most Handsome… What? Taichi, what the hell are you talking about?” Tenma’s face is lit up red enough to put Taichi’s hair to shame and he’s very blatantly trying to not look at Taichi or Juza, even Taichi wasn’t talking about him at all. “Don’t say such weird things in public, you idiot!” 

Weird? They’re the ones being weird! This was supposed to be their first O-high (slash-O-high-alumnus) meetup in a while, and it was fun until Juza and Tenma decided to completely overreact to a totally innocuous statement. Taichi rolls his eyes and takes a critical sip of his milkshake, making sure Tenma hears the loud rasp of his straw sucking from the empty cup. 

“What’s so weird about it? You guys don’t think about rankings like that?” The mortified looks on his friends’ faces confirm that, in fact, they do not. “Come on, at least you can admit that objectively speaking, we’re pretty handsome, right? We’re actors after all. This is showbiz.” 

Taichi flings an accusatory finger in his Tenma’s direction. “Ten-chan, you’re always talking about how handsome you are anyways! And Juza-san!” He turns to the man in question, who looks like he wants to hide inside his parfait- wait, wasn’t he eating cake just a second ago? “You always get angry when Ban-chan calls you ugly, so you must think he’s wrong!” 

Despite his attempted sternness, a smile breaks out on Taichi’s face. It’s incredible and awe-inspiring that a small fry like him could tease and joke with the former Terror of O-high, and the once-untouchable Sumeragi Tenma. But here he is, rendering Tenma speechless and flustered with his callout, while Juza harmlessly murmurs “but anyone would get mad about that” into mouthfuls of cream. The Taichi of two years ago would have never believed it.

Taichi collapses back against the pink, plush seating of their dessert shop booth, crossing his arms smugly. “Now that we’ve established that us Mankai Men _are_ handsome after all…” A cheeky grin slides across his face. “I wanna hear Ten-chan and Juza-san’s rankings! You must have some thoughts, right? Who do you think is the most handsome man in our company?” 

If Tenma and Juza had looked embarrassed before, they look positively mortified now. In particular, Tenma does a particularly good job of emulating a ticking cartoon bomb. They should use that in an etude or ad-lib sometime. “Nobody! I don’t think about these things like you!” 

The high-pitched yelp that escapes Tenma when Taichi digs an elbow into his ribs is loud enough to attract the attention of other dessert shop patrons. Juza tries to shrink into himself, which Taichi is slightly sorry for, but he’ll be even more sorry if he lets Tenma escape from this line of questioning. “C’mon! We live together, we act together, we _bathe_ together. We’ve seen each other in such vulnerable, _naked_ situations. Don’t tell me there’s nobody that you see in the changing room who makes you think ‘ _damn_ ’ and wanna look twice at?” 

“No-one.” This time, the objection comes quick and firm, a little rushed even, from Juza himself. Before Taichi can egg him for a further answer, he rapidly shoves two more bites of tiramisu (is the parfait gone _already_ ?) into his mouth, then pauses for a moment as he chews. “... Taichi, do _you_ look at people like that in the changing room?” From anyone else, this would sound accusatory and offended, but Juza’s voice is surprisingly soft, as if considering something deeply.

“What? No! I’m straight! I like women!” Taichi waves his hands in front of his face defensively, before realizing that doesn’t quite line up with his philosophy of _confident sexuality_. “But what I mean is, looking at other guys doesn’t mean you’re gay or anything. It’s just appreciation, like a painting.”

“Like, Ten-chan. Haven’t you ever admired Juza-san’s muscles? You do muscle training, so Juza-san’s physique must be something to aspire to, right?” Sometimes when the eyestrain from Yuki’s sewing marathons gets too much, Taichi goes out to the courtyard to watch Tenma and Juza’s after-hours practices from the sidelines. During those practices, he’s seen Tenma stare at Juza when he isn’t looking, or touching Juza to adjust his posture more than is strictly needed. While Tenma is usually a being of top-notch professionalism and perfection-seeking focus once he’s in the practice zone, he seems… not relaxed, but distracted when he’s with Juza. It must be the muscles, Taichi figures. Juza’s muscles are hard to miss. 

“Juza-san’s muscles? No! I mean, I guess? Not that they aren’t cool, but, I mean, it’s not like I look at them especially or-!”

As Tenma blusters away in his corner, Juza’s gaze is narrowed at his decimated trio of desserts, brow creased as he does when faced with a particularly difficult homework assignment. “... I guess the girls at Yousei sometimes talk about how handsome Omi-san is,” he says tentatively, as if unsure whether that’s the right answer. 

“No fair! That’s stealing my Number One!” Taichi is determined to defend his position as his roommate’s top fan. “Besides, that’s what the girls at your uni think. I wanna hear your opinion!”

“If it’s about muscles, then…” Tenma joins in on the brainstorming. “Tasuku-san, I guess?”

“It’s not just about the muscles!” Taichi insists, huffing indignantly. “Besides, Godza’s former prince is a cop-out answer, you might as well be citing some girls’ opinion again.”

His friends aren’t understanding the point of this exercise at all. And also pointedly not making eye contact with anyone at the table, especially each other. This, Taichi thinks, is what it looks like when a man isn’t confident in his sexuality: he gets all weird and defensive. No wonder the girls don’t like it. 

“Let me give you an example!” Taichi proclaims, trying to lead by demonstration. “Omi-kun is my number one, but my Number Two and Three are Yuki-kun and Tasuku-san. Juza-san, you’re my number four, tied with Ban-chan.”

“You just said we weren’t allowed to pick Tasuku-san!” Tenma objects, at the same time that Juza grumbles, “why the hell am I tied with Wanren”. 

“I’ve acted with Tasuku-san since Godza, so that makes it fair!” Taichi protests, though the logic isn’t entirely clear to him. Point is, he wants to hear Tenma and Juza’s own thoughts rather than have them parrot public opinion. “So Ten-chan, who’s your number one?”

Rather than spout out some reflexive answer like “myself”, Tenma seems at a genuine loss for words. For some reason, his gaze keeps flicking towards Juza, as if signalling a wordless distress beacon. Only, Juza seems equally intent on getting an answer, eyes fixed on Tenma’s face with a sudden intensity usually reserved for limited edition desserts. There’s some sort of tension going on there, Taichi realizes, though he isn’t quite sure what. It’s as if he’s crossed some sort of unspoken boundary. 

There’s a long moment of silence before Tenma finally responds. “... Azuma-san?” The way he says it sounds more like a question, as if he isn’t quite sure of the answer himself. 

There’s little to object to when Azuma is the way he is, so fragrant and beautiful and lithely seductive. Taichi is more into the well-built, tough types himself (except for Yuki-chan, who’s small but still tough), but there’s no denying that when Azuma makes the offer to sleep together, any man would be hard-pressed to turn him down. Besides, Taichi’s seen the way that Tenma gets overwhelmed by Azuma’s company, turning flustered and avoidant whenever the older man so much as approaches him. So it adds up. Of course Azuma-san would be Tenma’s Number One. 

“Ooh, I see! So Ten-chan likes the slim, beautiful types, right?” Taichi comments, and the effect around the table is as if he had dropped a bomb. 

Tenma’s expression seizes up into something tight and inscrutable, like he wants to say something but can’t. Meanwhile, a sullen, heavy shadow casts itself over Juza’s face. 

Taichi flounders immediately, trying to move the conversation along, make Juza feel better, fix what he’s said, _anything_. “H-how about you, Juza-san? Who’s your Number One?” Except that. Nanao foot, meet Nanao mouth. 

Before Taichi can even try to repair whatever damage he’s wrought, Juza answers. “... Tsumugi-san,” He lowers his gaze to his empty dessert cups and makes no effort whatsoever to elaborate on his answer.

Taichi watches as the corners of Juza lips sink just the slightest bit, and his shoulders draw inwards as if he’s trying to shrink into himself. It’s the complete opposite of the confident, handsome Juza-san that Taichi likes to see. In that moment, it feels as though he’s said something gravely wrong. 

-

Sumeragi Tenma is confident in everything but his sexuality, and that’s that entire problem. If this were an acting problem, then he would drill it over and over in rehearsals until he figured it out. If this were trouble with school, then he’d sell his soul to Chikage-san or Tsumugi-san to teach him the answers. Hell, if it were the issue of Yuki’s sewing machine keeping him up all night, he’d just escape to sleep in Banri’s room instead. But this isn’t a problem that not even Tenma, with his natural genius and boundless privilege and hard-won support network at Mankai, can solve, and that’s what bothers him the most. 

After their conversation with Taichi about handsome men, Juza has been acting _weird_. The he walk home from the dessert shop had been even awkwardly silent, despite Taichi’s desperate attempts to strike up a conversation about literally any other topic. At the time, Tenma had tried to ignore the burning discomfort stopping up his throat in hopes that things would return to normal before long . But it’s been nearly a week since then, and Juza has been avoiding Tenma like it would burn for him to make contact. 

Given Tenma’s busy schedule and their being in different troupes, it’s not difficult for Juza to stay out of Tenma’s way most of the time. But in the end, they do still live in the same dorm, which makes it painfully obvious when Juza looks away every time he enters the living room, or dodges away from him in the hallway. Worst of all, their evening courtyard practice sessions have come to a grinding halt. Even during the busiest of times in his acting schedule, Tenma had always made time to practice with Juza whenever he was back at Mankai and not off-site for a filming. Along with Omi’s homemade meals and Summer Troupe’s cacophonous warmth, evening practices with Juza had been one of the things that had made Mankai feel like home. Without Juza approaching Tenma for help with his latest Autumn role, an acting class assignment, or even just a few casual etudes, the dorms feel like a much larger, lonelier place. 

Tenma would normally feel offended at being treated like this when he hasn’t- or he thinks he hasn’t- done anything wrong. But if there’s anything he’s learnt about Juza-san in the two years he’s known him, it’s that he’s much kinder and much more sensitive than his appearance would ever let on. It’s one of the things that Tenma respects most about Juza, so he knows that Juza would never avoid him out of malice. It must be because he’s been hurt. And Tenma hates the fact that he’s hurt Juza somehow without even knowing.

Coincidentally, another one of the things that Tenma respects about Juza is his willingness to seek help and improve himself. Despite what some may say, Tenma has been trying to learn from Juza’s humble diligence and recognize where he falls short. Right now, he is very aware of his own inadequacy, so the next best thing is to seek help and support from someone with greater expertise, or at least a different perspective on the matter that might help him make things better with Juza-san. 

Only, Tenma might have made the worst possible choice in who to confide to about his problem. 

“Huh? So that’s what’s been bothering that dipshit this whole week?” Banri snarks, making no attempt whatsoever to hide his incredulity. 

“I mean, I don’t know for sure that it was that conversation,” Tenma grouses, regretting his decision already. Banri is a good friend, and a smart one, but Tenma should have accounted for his tendency to turn into an absolute twelve year old when it comes to all matters Juza. “But he was acting pretty weird in the dessert shop, and he’s been avoiding me since then, so…” 

Banri mutters some off-hand comment about Hyodo always being weird in dessert shops, which Tenma pointedly ignores. “It was a pretty weird thing for Taichi to bring up, but I can’t think of anything I said that might’ve offended Juza-san-”

The rattle of a sewing machine halts abruptly, and a scoff sounds out from across the room. “Offended?” Yuki pokes his head out from behind the machine, condescension written all over his face. “You think that Template Yankee is _offended_ by what you said? You think he’s mad at you?”

Tenma feels his face rapidly turning as red as his hair. “Oi, who asked for your advice, Yuki? Quit eavesdropping!”

Yuki rolls his eyes in response. “I was literally here in the same room the whole time you’ve been talking to Neo-Yankee-kun, what did you expect? I’m multitasking, not deaf.” He rolls his chair out to get a better view of them. “Besides, I heard all about it from Taichi already. That Dumb Puppy does talk to me sometimes, y’know.” 

It figures that Taichi would have spilled the beans by now, as desperate as he’s been to make things right between his two friends. As unbecoming as it may be, Tenma can’t help but feel a slight spike of jealousy. Despite being the one to initiate the whole weird conversation, _Taichi_ hasn’t been receiving the silent treatment from Juza. Possibly because Juza would never risk jeopardizing Autumn troupe, but it does nothing to amplify Tenma’s sinking suspicion that he in particular wronged Juza somehow. 

Tenma frowns, which makes Yuki scoff again, even louder this time. “Are you serious? You’ve _met_ both Muku and Kumon, right? You know, the two of Juza’s relatives that are literally part of your troupe?” He asks, incredulous. “The only thing that ever offends Kumon is this Neo-Yankee’s haircut!” 

“Oi, watch it,” Banri complains, touching his hair protectively before turning to Tenma with a pointed raise of his eyebrows. “But Yuki’s got a point. You know that moron Hyodo is just full of pointless brooding, right?”

“Precisely.” Yuki cuts in before Tenma even has a chance to respond. “I highly doubt that Juza is actually angry at you if he isn’t looking to pound you to the curb like he does with this one,” he says, gesturing at Banri. 

Tenma is really not into this whole concept of getting tag-team lectured, but even he has to admit that they do have a point. Anyone who’s seen Banri and Juza in the same room before knows what Juza looks like when he’s angry, and it’s decidedly unsubtle. Nothing like the awkward ducking and dodging act that he’s been putting on recently. 

“But if he’s not offended, then why else would he be avoiding me like this?” Tenma mutters.

Banri shrugs, unsympathetic. “How should I know anything that goes on in that turnip brain of his? Far as I can tell, anything you said could’ve sent him into one of those Hyodo-Sakisaka negative thought death spirals.”

Yuki looks thoughtful for a second, before suddenly asking. “Hey, Bullshit Actor, so the Dumb Puppy was asking who you thought was the most handsome in Mankai, right?”

Normally, Tenma would bristle at the unflattering nickname, but either he’s acclimated to Yuki’s sharp tongue, or he’s so caught off guard by the question that the insult barely registers. “Uh, yeah. So what?”

“ _So what_?” Yuki rolls his eyes like Tenma just asked him the answer 1+1. “So what was your answer?” 

“Wh-why does that matter? What’s so important about-”

“Wait, oh... I see where you’re heading with this.” Banri places a hand on chin as if suddenly edified, before turning back to Tenma. “Yeah, it’s important. Don’t worry, I won’t be offended if you say it’s me.”

Tenma balks, blood rushing to his face. First, Taichi, now Yuki and Banri too? “... Azuma-san. I said Azuma-san was my Number One.” 

“And did Juza give an answer as well?” 

Tenma looks cautiously in Banri’s direction before answering. “Uh… Tsumugi-san.” 

“The bastard said wha-”

“Easy, Neo-Yankee. Nobody’s stealing your boyfriend.” Yuki stares Banri down until he crosses his arms over his chest and sits down in a huff. Before Tenma can find any enjoyment in seeing Banri handled like a toddler, Yuki’s surgical gaze fixes onto Tenma as its new target.

“So, how do you feel when you think about the possibility of Juza liking Tsumugi?”

The question is one that hadn’t even occurred to Tenma. He’d been so preoccupied with Juza’s seeming grudge against him that he hadn’t had time to fully mull over the contents of the conversation since. But as he considers Yuki’s question, a collection of unbidden emotions well up inside of him. It doesn’t feel good.

Confusion? Sadness? Or… disappointment? 

Tenma, and just about everyone else he’s ever come into contact with, knows that he has an ego. But he doesn’t think that he’s so arrogant as to be disappointed that Juza doesn’t think he’s the most handsome. Tsumugi-san is so mature and calm, it’s no wonder that Juza would admire such a clever and experienced actor. And yet… If that were the kind of person that Juza liked, then Tenma’s chances are… 

Yuki’s voice breaks through Tenma’s thoughts like a beacon of clarity. “So how do you think the Template-Yankee feels about you lying about liking Azu-nee instead?”

Tenma doesn’t question how Yuki knows that he was lying, or what he means about “instead”. All he knows is that he needs to talk to Juza, right now. He may not know exactly how to fix things, but as with his stagefright, there is a limit to how far Tenma will allow himself to run away from his problems. So there’s no way that he’ll let Juza run away from all this on his own. 

Banri meets his gaze with an understanding nod, and then rolls his eyes with a snort. “Fine, whatever. Go. I’ll crash with Tsumugi-san tonight, so you two can take your time.” 

-

Hyodo Juza is not confident in his sexuality, because he is rarely confident about anything, frankly. He is confident in the fact that he loves his family, he loves the stage, and he loves kicking Settsu’s ass, but otherwise, there’s still a lot that he’s uncertain about. Throughout his childhood and most of his high school days, he had been too isolated and lonely to consider friendship, let alone romance. It wasn’t as if any of the girls in Juza’s class were likely to hold affection for him anyways. He was far more likely to scare them- or worse, hurt them- by accident. And if any reciprocation was so far from the realm of possibility, then… why even have feelings for anyone at all?

Then, Mankai had happened, and Juza had been thrust into a whole new world of warmth, vulnerability, and emotions that he’d never allowed himself to feel. Sweating beneath the stagelights, going out on late-night convenience store runs, after-school hangouts with friends… All these experiences he’d only ever watched from the sidelines were now parts of his new daily life. Even with a roommate as terrible as Settsu, Juza learned to love living in the dorms and settled into this new status quo of companionship and camaraderie. And it was only once Juza had learned to be comfortable around other people that he realized something about the _kind_ of people he was comfortable around. 

Juza's heart pounds in his chest during bike tours along the seaside with Omi and Tasuku. He feels his ears grow warm when Sakyo pats him on the shoulder for a job well done. It could just be the relative lack of close women in his life, if not for Juza's enduring respect and gratitude for the Director. But unlike Taichi's puppyish infatuation, or the smoldering longing behind Sakyo's strict facade, Juza can't seem to muster an ounce of attraction towards her. Before, he would've taken this as yet another sign of his brokenness, his inability to fit into society. And maybe he might still think that a bit, if not for… 

_So Ten-chan likes the slim, beautiful types, right?_

Juza heaves a sigh and sets down his pencil to scan the page one more time. This is the third time he's reread this chapter on dramatic structure and he's absorbed absolutely none of the information. Clearly, studying is even more of a lost cause than usual tonight. Juza has a hard time understanding theory at the best of times, so there’s no way he’s going to finish his reading assignment while his head is still ringing with Taichi’s words from last week. 

Sumeragi Tenma is untouchable. Juza has been aware of this from the very start. In fact, he'd been afraid to let Tenma associate with him, for fear that it would taint the child star's reputation if he hung out with delinquents. But Juza had inserted himself into Tenma's life anyways. If only Tenma hadn't made it so easy by accepting Juza's offer of protection, giving him and Taichi rides to and from school, coaching him in acting late into the night. Things would be so much easier now if Juza had only known to keep his distance, but he’d allowed himself to get close to Tenma, not as a brother or a cousin, but as an actual friend. Juza should be grateful for how much Tenma’s given him already, but…. It seems that Mankai has made him greedy.

Sumeragi Tenma is untouchable, but Juza still _wants to touch._ It is far greedier a desire than he has any right to, but he wants to touch Tenma as easily as Tenma touches him. Tenma thinks nothing of lightheartedly slapping Juza on the back as encouragement, or grabbing onto his shoulder for fear of getting lost in a crowd, or resting a hand on his chest while teaching him how to enunciate from the diaphragm. Juza only dreams of returning those touches in the same way, of feeling Tenma’s skin under his hands with that casual intimacy. But things that Juza touch tend to break. So that makes Juza greedy _and_ a coward.

Juza is not someone that others wish to be touched by. So many times he has laid his hands on others only with the intention to hurt. There are plenty of slim, beautiful types close to Tenma who are surely far more appealing than a cinderblock like Juza. With stylish, confident, conventionally _pretty_ people like Yuki and Kazunari in Tenma’s troupe, how would Juza even begin to stand a chance in a contest of attractiveness? Or even against Muku or Kumon, who surely deserve Tenma’s affection more? As soon as the thought crosses his mind, Juza is ashamed of himself. How could he go so far as to seeing Muku and Kumon as rivals? Whatever this desire to be close to Tenma may be born out of, it has clearly brought out the worst of him. 

Juza knows that he tends to think the worst of situations, but it’s hard not to when he’s learnt to expect just as much. Mankai is the kind of blessing that a man only finds once in a lifetime, and Juza would never forgive himself he ruined that with his own selfishness. Whatever these confusing, unnameable emotions are, Juza should not let them get in the way of the happiness that he already has. Cognitively, he knows this to be true, but…

Juza wants to change himself, just as he always has. Because if he were a better man, then he might have either the wisdom to accept things as they are, or the bravery to make his wishes into reality. As it stands, he’s afraid he has neither at all. 

If only he could be like Tenma, Juza thinks to himself. Tenma, who shines most like the sun when he’s putting the least effort into it, who throws himself against his problems to face them head-on. Then maybe he could do something, or at least say something, or at least be brave enough to accept his own feelings, get over Tenma, and move on without regrets. That would probably be the smartest thing to do in this-

Juza’s line of thought is cut off by the slam of his room door being thrown open. His head jerks up, face pulled into a snarl as he prepares to chew Banri out for being so goddamn loud, until he sees who’s actually at the door. 

Backlit by the corridor lights, Tenma stands in the doorway, shining every bit as bright as the star he professes to be. And in that moment, Juza knows that he’s never getting over him. 

-

Nanao Taichi is not confident in his sexuality at all. In fact, he might just be having what most would call “a crisis of sexuality” right now. His heart is pounding in his ears, his face feels like it’s burning, and he needs to talk about these sudden feelings with someone or else he’s going to explode. It’s first love and young love and new love all wrapped up in one big confusing, exhilarating package, and if his usual crushes were flutterings of the heart, this is a whole brass band going at it inside his chest. His entire understanding of himself is being flipped upside down. 

Taichi races down the hallway of Mankai dorms towards Room 104, because no matter who’s in there, he needs help. Ban-chan would laugh at him but give him advice at the end, while Juza-san wouldn’t know what to say but would never judge. Normally Taichi would feel bad about bursting in on them all out of the blue, but as he said before, this is a crisis!

Once he reaches the room, Taichi bursts through the door without preamble. “Ban-chan! Juza-san! I need your help, it’s an emergency! I just realized, I think I might like me-”

Unfortunately for all parties involved, Taichi’s mouth moves a lot faster than his brain. So he’s halfway through his cry for help before he visually registers the scene he’s walked in on: 

Juza and Tenma. Sitting next to one another on the floor. Intimately close with one another, with Juza’s hand on Tenma’s knee, and Tenma’s hand cupping Juza’s cheek. Faces barely an inch away from each other. And both looking utterly mortified that Taichi has interrupted their just-about-to-be kiss.

Time freezes in Room 104. None of the three boys make a sound, locked into this stalemate of shame and embarrassment. Taichi has a million words of apology, congratulations, that fight to make their way out of his throat, but ultimately fail. 

Finally, he gathers the strength to turn on his heel, silently exit the room, and slam the door shut behind him, possibly never to open it again. Once he’s made it far enough down the hallway that he can’t hear whatever is going on inside the room, Taichi slides bonelessly down the corridor wall, his heart exhausted from going a mile a minute. 

Nanao Taichi has just found out that he is in not heterosexual at all. But with a small smile and silent congratulations to his friends, he realizes that he’s hardly the only one. 

  
  



End file.
